Going into the second half of the month. Okay. Taking a big deep breath…

BaaBaa, my constant companion (especially since the beginning of the pandemic) has been feeling left out because I haven’t included ‘em in any of my blog posts this round of the March Arts Marathon. Some of you may already have been introduced to BaaBaa and for some of you this may be your first time meeting ‘em.

I need to preface this post by talking a little about something I struggle with – gender identities and personal pronouns. BaaBaa is non-gendered (or gender-fluid?), was not “assigned” a gender at birth and allows me (or anyone else) to choose whatever pronouns I (they) prefer to describe ‘em.

I love this about BaaBaa because it frees people up to imagine and project onto ‘em whatever they like. BaaBaa doesn’t mind at all, though they(?) definitely have a personality and being all their own.

As you can see, the only piece of clothing BaaBaa wears is a scarf. Totally neutral gender-wise. Occasionally BaaBaa wears a yarmulke (small head covering) when we go to shul (synagogue) together.

The yarmulke could be problematic I suppose. Talk about clothing and gender…Back in the day, women were not allowed to wear yarmulkes in the synagogue, only men and boys. BaaBaa doesn’t identify as either of those so where would that leave ‘em in that debate? Luckily that’s a non-issue in most synagogues these days and certainly in ours.

Speaking of synagogues and pronouns, there was so much passionate debate amongst feminists and other Jewish leaders about what pronouns to use when referring to G-d. Still not totally resolved after all these many years. And I still often feel awkward using the various choices to avoid the male pronouns for G-d for a variety of reasons; grammatical, philosophical and spiritual.

Speaking of grammatical…an issue for me in the pronoun discussions, though trivial in the larger scheme of things, is that my father was a “grammarian” and was always correcting my grammar. That was “proscriptive” grammar ( following the rules as they had been set down and codified). In his time, “proper grammar” was an indication of education and social status. And as a child of immigrants and a Jew, that was very important to him. Remember “My Fair Lady”? Okay, that was in England I know, but still we had our own grammar and accent hierarchy here in the U.S. as well.

But one must change with the times and use “descriptive” grammar, that is, whatever is in current popular usage, if one is not to be a total old fogey. I’m having a hard time making the change as the old proscriptive grammar is engrained in me thanks to my upbringing.

I was filling out my application to attend my 50th (can’t believe it!) Smith College reunion and here was the checklist of possible pronoun choices one could ascribe to oneself or have others use to refer to one:

She/her/hers

He/him/his

They/them/theirs

She/they

He/they

Ze/zir/zirs

Ze/hir/hirs

Xe/xir/xir

E/em/eirs

Sie/sir/hirs

Per/per/pers

None/name

Any pronouns

Other

Prefer not to say

I kid you not. They were all right there on the application form.

So take your pick.

Yikes!

P.S. I’m not sure BaaBaa would appreciate the way I introduced ‘em today, so tomorrow I will show you a silly little video we made on a much lighter note…but until then…